See Emily Play

“Put on a gown that touches the ground, ah ooh
Float on a river forever and ever, Emily”

‘See Emily Play’, Pink Floyd.

 

The cliche song quotation is out of the way so introductions are in order:

I’m Emily Rose Clark. I am nineteen years old. I’m English. I live near Newcastle Upon Tyne.

My username on here is taken from my Instagram account, epsteins_elf_ears. Shameless bit of self promotion there. I like to imagine that in a past life I was Brian Epstein’s personal secretary and if you don’t know who that brilliant man is, he’s the manager of the Beatles and other artists, such as Cilla Black and Gerry and the Pacemakers.

That’s great Emily, but why are you writing a blog in the first place?

I’ve reached a milestone in my life and it’s put me in a very unusual place, a place I’ve never been in before. I left high school in May after completing my A Levels. I’m currently undertaking an apprenticeship at a marketing agency. I’m finding myself to be ‘half an adult’ at the moment. (Technically I’m half an adult anyway because I’m only around 5ft tall as some of my friends like to joke).

Joke aside, what I mean by ‘half an adult’ is…well…I’m exactly that, I suppose.

I now work full-time, I have my own bank account, my confidence is growing and I work with real grown-ups. I’m no longer surrounded be fellow students, taking notes in classrooms or chatting about how annoying the popular lasses are in the dinner hall. Nah, I’m at work. I’m the only person at work that’s under the age of twenty five mind you but hey, I’m still a colleague. Fresh out of school, I still feel as though I have a ‘school mentality’. I still care more about what I’m going to at the weekend, what gig am I going to try and see next and I’m trying to predict what will happen in the next season of the BBC’s Sherlock.

Will I no longer have these thoughts when I’m twenty five? What will I talk about? My bills? My car? My gym membership?

I’m rambling now. I’m a rambler. Sorry.

What I’m trying to say is that although I feel pretty much secure and although I know exactly what I wake up for every Monday morning, I’m still in a bit of a I’ve-just-left-the-security-blanket-of-education-limbo. That’s why I’ve created this blog. I’m finding this unique stage of my life every interesting. I’m fascinated by human beings and stories about human life. There will never be another time in my life when I will feel like this ever again. This is a whole new experience for me because these are the moments before my future begins. The word future is so strange, don’t you think? In school, I was always told that my future would be what university I would go to, what career I would aim for, how much money I will make in ten years, etc. That just seems so short sighted to me and that’s coming from a short sighted person. Isn’t there more to life than work, careers and money? I suppose I still have a rose tinted outlook on the world even though I would class myself as being quite cynical about many things – politicians would be a grand old example. I divn’t trust the bastards.

I just have no idea what my future has in store. I’m no Professor Trelawney, nor do I own one her crystal balls. I have no clue about what I want out of life in the long run, not really. All I know is that I decided against going to uni, at least for now. I’m going to complete my apprenticeship and hopefully get kept on by my agency because they are a good agency. The more work experience I can get the better. Still, I don’t care about how much money I will be making in ten years time. I don’t care about bills, cars or gym memberships. Should I care about those things at nineteen?

All I can do for now is put on my gown that touches the ground and float on a river forever and ever…until I’m washed up onto the banks of another chapter in my life and the circle of life starts a rollin’ again. (I am using way too many references and I have no shame).

In this blog, I want to document bits and bobs of my personal experience with all of this. I want to see where I end up, if my thoughts change and if I begin to understand what it means to be an adult. A real adult.

Along the way, I’ll write a lot of posts about music, fashion, Brian Epstein, my dreams of travelling the world and how reading more of Oscar Wilde’s work changed my life. I also love talking about human rights, animal rights, socialism, how much I hate the Conservative Party, etc. I love getting all passionate! Whatever takes my fancy.

I would also like to do an ‘album of the month’. That’s an idea that I have. I nearly always have one album that I listen to more than others for around the duration of a month. I’m no music expert, I just like to listen to a lot of different artists.

I just hope my blog can be relatable. I hope that other lost souls can read this and be able to empathise with a fellow school leaver beginning their journey to adulthood. I hope any adult readers can read my blog and reminisce about the days of their uncertain youth before the big bad world came to huff and puff and blow their life upside down.

That’s all I have to say for now.

Good luck and love,

Emily Rose